I'm back..... yeah yeah i know it's been almost 6 months, what can I say, I was a born slacker .  It's finals week, so that means it's almost summer which I am excited about.  3 days and 3 finals remain then it's officially summer for me once again.  Got a job already lined up working at the same place where I worked last summer which is awesome.  Not much else on my schedule for the summer, just looking for it to be relaxing and fun and hopefully to get a chance to do stuff with friends from back home often.  Well that is all there is on for me for now, hope everyone has a good rest of the school year and summer.

So I was wondering, what makes someone a good listener.  You know, there are some people we classify as good listeners and others who just aren't.  What is it about that person or how they listen that makes them a better listener than others.  I don't know this puzzles me at times, is it the amount of attention they seem to be paying, the amount of empathy that they show <shrug>.  I don't know maybe it's just some intangiable.  Sorry this posting is just kinda my random thoughts/ramblings.

     Life is full of uncertantites.  How is this gonna turn out?  What should I do here?  What choice should I choose in this difficult decision?  And the list could go on and on.  Sometimes it seems like we are faced with more questions in life than there are answers.  Take a semi-prominent question in my life, What do I want to do with my life?  Do I want to go ahead in teaching direction, do I want to turn my focus elsewhere, perhaps to something computer related, or some other completely different field.

     I worry about the choice, hoping that I make the right decision.  So what does one do, well pray about it.  So I pray about it, but still, it doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere, the decision hasn't become miraculously clearer, or seemingly any easier.  So what is one to do?  I think part of my problem is that my walk with the Lord isn't anywhere it should be.  I'm doing the things I want over what it is that God wants me to do.  I'm doing things, and the Lord is telling me, you shouldn't be doing this, but I keep indulging in the sin anways.  I try to stand up to temptations on my own, trying to survive on my own, and trying to accomplish things on my own "mighty" power.

     Really though, I am nothing, diddly compared to the power of Satan and his demons.  I try to fight him on my own and I'm only setting myself up for disaster, it is a battle I can not and will not win.  But that's the beauty of the Lord,  I don't have to fight that fight on my own.  I don't have to resist Satan and his demons temptations on my own.  The Lord is there waiting to give me strength, waiting to let me tap into his reserves, waiting for me to draw as much strength from him as possible, even though that won't even begin to fractionally reduce his reserves in the slightest.  And here I am, just plugging along on my own.  Ignoring all that awesome strength that God is putting out there for me.  Like a starving homeless man sitting on the street corner trying to scrounge up his own food, while someone set a three-course meal right next to me, just waiting for me to eat it.  And I continue to try on my own.

     And then the Lord brings me back, tells me that He has laid it all out for me, mine for the taking if I just am willing to ask him for help.  He gives me the Bible, the God-breathed words, to consult.  He gives me good, strong Christian people in my life to turn to for advice and for comfort.  He gives me so much, and here I am not taking any of it, just trying to survive on my own.  It's time for me to start taking the wonderful things that God has given me again.  I need to stop trying to do things on my own, I need to start being humble and living my life for the Lord.

     So this brings me back to the question, what is it that God wants me to do with my life, what field does he want me to go in?  And the best answer I've come up with is that I shouldn't get wrapped up with trying to figure out what direction God wants me to go with my life, but should become more wrapped up with living my life for Christ, living day to day doing things and acting the way that He wants me to.  That everything I do no matter how small or insignficant should bring glory to the Lord.  That my purpose of living is to glorify the Lord.  I should stop worrying about what I'm gonna do, where I'm gonna do, and how I'm gonna do, and start focusing on just doing everything for the Lord.  Because when I start doing things for the Lord, and he is my focus, He'll direct my life in the best way, especially since He knows what is best for me more than I do.  It really is simple, I only have one decision to make, will I follow the Lord this day, this hour, this minute, this second?  He will take care of the rest if I just give it all over to the Lord, because He will never let me down.

     Now comes the hard part, translating all that in actions, not a walk in the park.  But as Phillipans 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  So along I must keep chugging, making mistakes, doing things my way, generally being human.  It's about me making a choice, because that's the way God is, He doesn't make you do things the best way, He gives you the choice, of giving up your life, and living your life completey for God, making him truly the center of your life.  Or living your life for yourself, doing things your way.

     As it says in Revelations 3:15-16 "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.  I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth."  There is no in between, we are either trying to live our lives for Christ, or we are not.  This is a daily struggle for me, but all I can do is keep trying to put Christ in the center of my life and thoughts.